How do you talk to an authority figure that gets defensive, and often blames you for their mistakes?

From here on don't take it meekly and smolder ....nip it in the bud the moment they do it ...eg: Excuse me! I am not responsible for that! Don't get drawn into arguments, explanations or having to prove anything....stick to your guns but be polite ...then walk away


Good luck ...if it's in a work situation you may have to seek help from someone higher up ...or consider changing your jobHow do you talk to an authority figure that gets defensive, and often blames you for their mistakes?
unfortunately, if they are your boss, parent, whatever, there is not much you can do. but learn and be forewarned as to their core personality and adjust yourself to cope and survive. i love to be sugar sweet to people who have just scr**** me over. it sure does mess with their head. you are probably not the only person who is wise to their ways so when you do your sweet act, everyone knows exactly what you are doing. when i do it and it works, i just say to myself, two points for the sandy d. kind of a weird way to handle things and not every time is it the way to go, but sometimes it is. you just have to be prepared for all situations, and have in your mind a plan that will work to your advantage. good luck. never let them see you sweat.How do you talk to an authority figure that gets defensive, and often blames you for their mistakes?
take a step back and analyze the situation. They may be insecure or sociopathic which are big issues. You can start by gently saying ';I'm not responsible for that...etc.....'; Not in a way that they are intimidated. If they bully as a tactic then you have to be stronger and stern in your approach. Let them know you arent a doormat to be stepped on.
A scapegoat artist who happens to be an authority figure is a real challenge, since you are naturally subordinate to this person. If this is a parent, it's that much tougher. There's really no getting away from the person for any significant length of time.





People who become defensive are often perfectionists who can't bear to see themselves - or for others to view them - through a critical lens. They need to maintain a facade of perfection and invincibility in order to feel reasonably good about themselves. Anything less is an affront to their self confidence and a threat to their fragile egos.





It is very likely that you have analyzed your own behavior to determine if there is any truth to the accusations you are hearing from this authority figure. If you are ';guilty as charged,'; please don't let pride win out. Take responsibility for your actions and immediately offer an apology or restitution. However, assuming this individual is the unreasonable one in unfairly blaming you for something, then you will need to find a way to politely state your feelings and stand your ground.





If this authority figure is a parent or guardian (or other relative) whom you must appease, to some extent, then try to explain to this person how you feel when these problematic situations occur. I imagine you have already tried - to no avail - to get this person to listen to your side of things.





If you have tried verbally expressing your thoughts about the matter to this person and have been unable to reach an understanding, perhaps you could write a short letter. Try to convey your feelings without resorting to the tact that the ';blamer'; uses. Refrain from using accusatory phrases such as, ';You always...'; or ';You never...'; or ';You make me feel like....';





Instead, try to impress the person of your sincere desire to make things better between the two of you. Try to keep your remarks relevant to the most recent incident. Don't rehash events from the past. Here is an example of what you could write, substituting your own details where indicated: ';I feel badly about our disagreement tonight. I also feel hurt when you said that that I [example.: made you late for work today.] I am having trouble seeing it that way because ________________. Despite my belief that I was not the cause of [your being late for work], I realize that you may still think otherwise. I hope that we can get past this misunderstanding and get along better from now on. Having a good relationship with you is very important to me. Love, (or, if this person is a coach, group leader or teacher, etc.), sign the note, ';Sincerely, ______';





In conjunction with the above suggestion, perhaps it would serve you well to put as much distance as is feasible between you and this apparently unreasonable person.
If it's your boss, being the bigger bully does not help. If not, be fair but firm. Show them that it was their mistake. Write things down. Stay calm.





Let them know it bothers you and offer a remedy for the situation.
punch them in the throat.